(2) – The Law of Learning –
What a wonderful topic! The ‘law of learning’ essentially means:
👉 Everything in life is a lesson.
We are here to learn, to develop, to gain experience. Mistakes, successes, encounters – everything contributes to our inner maturation. You could say: Those who don’t learn stand still. Here are a few figurative representations to explain the ‘law of learning’:
1. An endless staircase leading upwards
A person standing on a long staircase. Some steps are bright (successes), others are fragile (mistakes). However, each step is necessary to climb higher. 🪜 Symbol for: Learning is a path, step by step, with ups and downs.
2. An open book with light rising from its pages
A giant book is lying open. Rays of light are rising from its pages, symbols of knowledge (e.g. a heart for compassion, a cogwheel for reason, a leaf for nature). 📖✨ Symbol for: Every experience is a page in the book of life. Learning brings enlightenment.
3. Two paths, however, only one person decides
Two paths presented themselves to me. I chose the one less travelled. And that changed my life. ‘Author – Robert Frost’ A person stands at a crossroads. Two paths lead in different directions. No other people around – the decision is entirely up to them.
🛤️🤔 Symbol for: You are responsible for the path you choose.
Two paths presented themselves to me. I chose the one less travelled.
And that changed my life.
‘Author – Robert Frost’
4. A person with a backpack full of experiences
A hiker walks a long way carrying a backpack. Inside: books, heart, stone (for difficult lessons), flowers (for beautiful moments). 🎒🚶♂️ Symbol for: We take everything we experience with us. Learning means gaining and carrying experiences.
5. A broken vessel that has been repaired (Kintsugi)
A bowl that had been broken in the past was repaired with gold (using the Japanese kintsugi method). 🥣💛 Symbol for: Mistakes and fractures are also part of our learning and make us more beautiful, wiser.
6. Child growing and looking at different ‘versions’ of themselves
A young child looking at older versions of themselves: as an adolescent, an adult, an old person. 👶➡️👦➡️🧑➡️👴 Symbol for: We grow and learn throughout our lives.
7. Butterfly emerging from a caterpillar
A caterpillar that pupates and then hatches as a butterfly. 🦋 Symbol for: Learning transforms us – from ignorance to wisdom.
!!ATTENTION!!
NADEUM ANNUAL COACHING – SOCIAL SKILLS – – THE ‘12 LAWS OF SUCCESS’
Create your own, It starts here!!
- I apply the task to experience the first impressions. I am amazed at the effect it has
- This is a template for your coaching diary. You should use it to record your daily reflections, thoughts and events.
| Day Times | Day sections | Day sections | Day sections |
|---|---|---|---|
| Period | morning | noon | afternoo |
| 06:00 a.m. to 08:00 a.m. | |||
| 08:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. | |||
| 10:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m. | |||
| 12:00 p.m. to 02:00 p.m. | |||
| 02:00 p.m. to 04:00 p.m. | |||
| 04:00 p.m. to 06:00 p.m. | |||
| 06:00 p.m. to 08:00 p.m. | |||
| 08:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. | |||
| 10:00 p.m. to 12:00 p.m. | |||
| 00:00 a.m. to 02:00 a.m. | |||
| 02:00 a.m. to 04:00 a.m. | |||
| 04:00 a.m. to 06:00 a.m. | |||
| Results |
Once you have completed your exercise today, enter your findings in the corresponding field. If you still lack experience, simply practice this development step for another day. At the end of the diary: Look forward to your next learning session.
We wish you lots of fun and interesting insights.
Andreas Andiel has summarised the world’s most recognised know-how from the most proven success instructions for personal satisfaction and professional success in the context of the ‘12 natural laws for success’. And it is precisely this elite know-how that forms the basis for every online course in the areas of communication, self-motivation and motivation of others, as well as mental strength.
A few more important details…
Every evening, as the last action of the day, you fill out your personal diary and record your experiences of the day.
- Important: This step of writing is very important for sustainable development. The following content is based on previous experiences! Only by registering your experiences in the training area can you make your progress tangible for yourself.
You can repeat the previous content and also read again and again what you have written down.
At regular intervals (every 7 units), you will take a short interim test with your coach. This helps you to consolidate your learning progress, discuss what you have learned with your coach and thus consolidate your knowledge.
At times, you may think that an exercise has little to do with your profession or your personality. The course is structured didactically. Please do not skip any knowledge or exercises – trust that each step is important.
- For example: Professional athletes always start with a warm-up, constantly work on their fitness, strengthen their technique, and then move on to the game structure and a decisive competition. In professional sports, there is no ‘I already know that’ or ‘I don’t need that’
So complete each session before moving on to the next. Stay in the same session for two or three days if necessary. Train at your own pace.
YOUR NADEUM YEAR COACHING – SOCIAL SKILLS
The ‘12 LAWS OF SUCCESS’ at a glance
(This is your first task. Read it carefully. If you have any questions, please contact your coach at the WhatsApp number: +43 660 7621873) [You will see all laws again and again in all steps. When the text is blue, you are in the current exercise].
No. 01 – The Law of Responsibility –
Taking responsibility means taking advantage of a great opportunity. And without taking responsibility in society, there will be no successful engagement in society. By consciously taking responsibility for my own thinking, I recognise the creative possibilities in my own area and gain personal freedom.
No. 02 – The Law of Learning –
Learning from ‘mistakes’ means improving the path until it leads to the achievement of a goal. Get out of the ‘mistake game’! The main topics in this unit are solution-oriented, constructive thinking and action, positive interaction with one’s own environment and the acceptance of all feedback as an indicator for optimising one’s own path.
! Please scroll down to the term ‘What are my goals’!
No. 03 – The Law of Will –
The difference between dreams, desires and intentions. How to develop a determined willpower. Recognising your own goals, developing a goal plan, determining the necessary effort and learning to develop a strong will for activities for yourself (and others) that will enable you to achieve your goal in the first place.
No. 04 – The Law of Action –
Knowing when to act, what to do, and how to do it is the basis of every project. After completing the planning and decision-making, it is now a matter of moving from talking to action and focusing all energies on the start-up phase.
No. 05 – The Law of Trust –
It is important to trust in yourself. However, it is just as important that society/the environment builds trust in us! One of the most important prerequisites for this is reliability, which in turn is based on personal responsibility and time/self-management.
No. 06 – The law of reality –
It is not always necessary to see everything the way everyone else sees it. However, it is crucial to know how others focus on learning to deal with it and to achieve a more understanding approach to your environment. Empathy, understanding and tolerance are key skills for living together in harmony.
No. 07 – The law of adaptation –
Everyone is on their own at first. The closer you are to someone else, the closer you are to them. And the more you get. Conscious adaptation or non-adaptation must be used in combination with a responsible approach to one’s own environment. By consciously deciding to adapt or not to adapt, the individual gains personal freedom and strength.
No. 08 – The Law of Leadership –
The basics of ‘alpha leadership’ and how to use them correctly. The right balance between ‘leading’ and ‘letting lead’. In this unit, it is also important to learn how to consciously use the instrument of ‘letting lead’ and thus create valuable conditions for teamwork and/or team leadership.
No. 09 – The Law of Balance –
Recognising a balance between ‘giving’ and ‘taking’. The balance of body, mind and soul must be established in order to achieve the same performance. It is also important to consider compensation to third parties. ‘If you want to reap, you must first sow’. Those who are aware that they will always have to pay for the desired person in the form of services, resources, etc. will achieve their goals more easily and be appreciated by their fellow human beings for their efforts.
No. 10 – Law of Growth –
Everything grows through the alternation of push and pause. Those who handle it correctly get the most out of it. Continuous action leads to growth and success. This unit conveys the positive aspects of consistent action, the basic requirements for success in every activity (private or professional).
No. 11 – Law of Defence –
Knowing when, what and how to successfully defend yourself gives you the gentle calm of self-confidence. Develop a ‘we’ thinking in a conflict situation and find solutions together that everyone can support. This unit also provides basic skills for harmonious interaction with your professional, family and social environment.
No. 12 – The Law of Usefulness –
When we give others what they want, they give us everything, according to the value we create for them. Increasing the value means getting more. Knowing one’s own value leads to a strong personality that is able to act calmly and sensibly in all situations and to shape one’s own life.
Okay, great! Then we’ll go one step further and open and edit the objective package directly…
Great, now you have successfully completed this exercise and internalised another step of the 12 laws. With each law, you will become more self-confident, think more sustainably and in a solution-oriented way. Each step will enable you to take the initiative and make conscious decisions in the future. Because who, if not you, determines your path.
You can learn from mistakes – that’s what they say. That’s why there are so many know-it all’s who like to tell you what’s right or wrong.
But: You can only learn something from mistakes if you recognize them yourself and draw the right conclusions from this experience.
Continued success with the law of learning.
Self-test LEARNING
Are you self-confident?
He who trusts in himself is fine. Do you have the perfect balance between self-confidence and self-overestimation? This test shows where you stand.
1. Do you defend yourself if you are treated unfairly?
I always defend myself when I feel treated unfairly. (C)
I’ll only fight back if it’s absolutely necessary. (B)
I tend to just accept injustice. (A)
2. With many people together in a small space – do you feel uncomfortable there?
I get anxiety states. (C)
I can endure it for a short time (B)
I don’t have a problem with that. (A)
3. Can you easily come to terms with it if something fails you once?
Depends on what went wrong. (B)
Not usually. (A)
Yes, no problem (C)
4. Do you avoid conflicts?
No, why should I? (C)
I avoid conflict wherever I can. (A)
It depends on what’s at stake. (B)
5. Can you spontaneously list five positive qualities of yourself?
Ohm – no. (A)
Sure. (C)
How much time do I have to think about it? (B)
6. Do you believe that other people know where they stand with you?
No – and that is intention. (C)
Yeah – definitely. (A)
I can hide my feelings quite well. (B)
7. Are you having trouble meeting deadlines?
Now and then already (B)
No, you can rely on me (A)
Always! (C)
8. Do you proverbially like to “plunge into the cold water”?
If it’s necessary, yes. (B)
More and more. (C)
No, it’s not my thing. (A)
9. Are you insisting on your position?
Not if the facts speak against me. (B)
Mostly. (C)
Why should I? (A)
10. Do you find it entertaining and/or exciting to meet new people?
I am reserved. (A)
Yeah, always. (C)
Mostly. (B)
11. If you see photos of yourself, are you satisfied with yourself and your appearance?
Rather rare. (B)
I look terrible in pictures. (A)
I am usually well hit (C)
Count all the same letters together; write them down on a separate sheet. In the next window you will get your score.
EVALUATION
THE LAW OF LEARNING
Add up the letter values!
A = ____ times
B = ____ times
C = ____ times
Read the interpretation with your highest letter value to find out where you stand.
A YOU DON’T DARE DO ANYTHING TO YOURSELF
You don’t have the guts to do anything. You avoid conflicts and problems in advance, without having even tried to solve them. Think about whether you will make progress in life in this way. Find a manageable training field and secure a base for yourself.
B DOUBTFUL
Sometimes you have less confidence in yourself than you could actually achieve. Once you have had a success, your self-confidence is extremely strengthened. Now you have to stay tuned before the doubts get out of hand. This healthy form of self-awareness will be very helpful in your life.
C CHALLENGES ARE THE SALT IN THE SOUP
You really have a lot of faith in yourself. And where most people give up, the challenge begins for you. Through your various experiences and the successes associated with them, this is only too natural. But be careful not to run into something that is perhaps really unattainable or unsolvable …
Look forward to your next recognition.
Recognition Unit 16:
After we have taken responsibility for ourselves, the foundation for any further development is undoubtedly learning.
Let us look at our brain as a kind of hard disk on which everything we can and know is stored. For each of our actions – whether an activity or a statement – we need information from this hard disk and can retrieve it at any time.
But now it is clear that we can only retrieve the information that is stored. And it is equally clear that we can only take actions that match the stored knowledge and skills.
Which means that every time we want to replace a bad habit with a better one, we want to acquire new knowledge, change our personality according to our wishes – simply if we want to change anything in our life or develop ourselves in some way – we first have to store the corresponding information on our hard drive.
And in such a way that they are memorable and permanently stored.
This learning requires the willingness to bring in and consider experiences one has had in comparable situations in the past, as well as the knowledge conveyed by third parties, to be taken into consideration when making future decisions. And this is a lifelong process and not just limited to certain stages of life.
Because when you stop learning, you stop storing new information on your hard drive.
If you do not have any new information on your hard drive, you will not be able to develop further. But where there is no further development, there is standstill. And it is exactly this standstill that makes most people’s lives seem listless and prevents them from being successful and satisfied.
Teaching is also an essential part of learning. The passing on of one’s own knowledge and skills is not only a benefit for the learner, but also for the teacher, who thereby increases his traditional fitness. The teacher wins by the transmission of his knowledge to the learner, by receiving from the passing on and the spreading of his knowledge, his ideas and conceptions in the consequence a constant controlling of himself.
Apart from the fact that we constantly absorb knowledge which we receive directly or indirectly from other people and constantly collect information about our environment, learning also concerns the essential part of the processing of one’s own experiences. Here we learn either from the experiences of past successes or through so-called “mistakes”.
And this learning through so-called “mistakes” is worth taking a closer look at.
Exercise 16
1. Also, today we take up for further days the exercise, which you already know very well from the last units: Make a note of three things that you liked most about your work. What are the 3 things today?
2. Make a small list of things you want to learn.
Don’t write down anything you think you need to learn because someone else wants you to. Only list things you want to learn yourself. Regardless of whether you have enough time, financial means or all the necessary prerequisites.
Consider this list as a wish list…
… what would you like to learn?
Recognition Unit 17:
Here are a few examples from daily practice when we do not correctly apply the principle of learning – and especially learning from “mistakes”.
Do any of these situations seem familiar to you?
• Someone starts a project, is convinced of it and really tries.
He works hard, but for some reason it doesn’t work as desired. After all, one day he has to confess to a good acquaintance who asks him about the progress of the project that he isn’t getting anywhere. And what does he hear then?
“I didn’t want to tell you so clearly when you started the project. But to be honest, it was immediately clear to me that it couldn’t work like that.”
A couple of such good acquaintances, then his motivation is zero, his fears and his doubts huge – and he rejects the project.
“Good” acquaintances?
• Someone tells a group of friends that he has something special in mind.
And suddenly all his “friends” begin to explain to him exactly why they think it won’t work. And let him stop dreaming and stay on the ground of reality.
Finally, our somebody thinks: “Maybe they are right after all and it is much more difficult than I thought. I will check the whole thing again very carefully. Probably I’m really reaching for the stars.”
And his courage leaves him even before he has started.
“Friends”?
• A problem is discussed at work.
Suddenly our someone comes up with a solution. He wants to take the floor to make his suggestion.
But then he flinches and thinks: “Who knows if it really works that way. What if it goes wrong? Then I am the idiot of the troop and everyone “wipes” themselves on me. I am convinced that my suggestion would be a good solution, but “better-to be-safe”. Maybe the others don’t want to implement it or think the proposal is bad. Let someone else burn his mouth. I’d rather not say anything”.
Good, innovative working atmosphere?
No matter whether in the circle of friends, among acquaintances or at work, there are people everywhere who constantly draw other people’s attention to any supposed or real mistakes.
These people constantly know what should be done differently, what would be better in their opinion. Such a person simply feels good every time he can correct another person.
• Do you constructively accept criticism from such people or do you reject it on principle?
• Are such people particularly sympathetic to you?
In an everyday situation you drew someone’s attention to a very obvious mistake and wanted nothing more than to help that person. But this person reacts totally insulted and is angry with you. You don’t understand the world anymore and decide not to say a helping word to this person in the future – even if you see very clearly that everything is going down the drain.
Reasonable?
Exercise 17:
1. Write down again three things which you liked most about your work, your workplace.
2. What things did you want to do lately and then didn’t do them?
Write down those things and include things you wanted to do for your body and didn’t do.
Then you fill in:
• an “A” for “not done for fear”.
• a “B” for “not done for convenience”
• a “V” for “was prevented by others.”
Try to write down at least nine points (they can also be small things!).
.
.. and then please choose those three things which you will do immediately!
Start the necessary actions.
Recognition Unit 18:
What doesn’t run smoothly in all these situations from recognition unit 17? None of the participants will be so really satisfied in these moments.
But why do these situations happen again and again, when such a behaviour, as described, does not really help anyone?
Why do these described processes happen so often that we already accept them as normal behaviour patterns? Where the results of such behaviour are thoroughly negative.
For this purpose, it is first of all necessary to talk about the concept of “error”.
A mistake is in truth nothing other than “an unwanted event on the personal path”.
No more and no less. This means first and foremost that only you can judge for yourself alone whether you have made a mistake or not – namely whether an event not desired for you has occurred on your personal path.
The analysis of external people about your mistakes is mostly very presumptuous, because these persons cannot estimate your personal way at all and thus cannot judge at all whether what is so casually called “mistake” represents a really – from you – not desired event on your personal way.
Let’s take as an example…
a worker who did not carry out some work instructions accordingly. The boss will reproach her for making mistakes. However, she wants to be dismissed without losing compensation.
In this case, the “not exact execution” of the instructions is absolutely not an “unwanted event”, but an intended step on her personal path. Thus, this action is not a mistake for this worker.
Of course, it will usually be that way that generally valid benchmarks for skill assessment can be assumed. However, it is very important that you keep an eye on the generally valid benchmarks and take appropriate notes on mistakes. But do not accept anything as a mistake just because someone tells you it is a mistake.
You alone decide for yourself whether there is an event on your personal path that you do not want. You are alone and nobody else. Because you alone have also the responsibility for it. Sounds plausible, doesn’t it?
In our life however the opposite is meanwhile the case. We do not illuminate our actions ourselves and then determine for ourselves where we have to make corrections, but almost exclusively our fellow human beings do. And we have become so accustomed to it that our fellow human beings always want to tell us where to go, that we take it for granted. And for the most part we are already afraid of these judgements of our fellow men.
Fear that blocks us…
… but this is not right. Nobody has this right. You alone have your way to go. So only you can judge alone whether something is right or wrong for this way. Your fellow human beings can only draw your attention to the fact that they themselves do not like something or tell you, their opinion. But not anymore.
Only you can judge yourself!
Exercise 18:
1. Write down again three things which you liked most about your work, your workplace.
2. Also, today we have another quite exciting exercise for you.
Think all by yourself and honestly for yourself, who constantly notices which mistake with you.
• Who?
• What mistake?
And then you ask yourself whether you want to discard these “mistakes” or make it clear to the person concerned that they have to accept this alleged “mistake”.
• Rectify the “error”?
• Demand acceptance?
You should practice one of these two options in all these cases.
Recognition Unit 19:
Let us now assume that there is an unwanted event on your personal path and turn to the next step of “error learning”. Here, too, the right approach is enormously important.
Every unwanted event on your personal path is a personal indicator to be able to make a course correction.
Just as every rocket that is launched into space must constantly make corrections in order to reach its destination, every human being must also constantly make course corrections on his personal path to his destination.
However, these corrections can only be made if corresponding indicators point to a deviation from the path. If there were no such indicators, you would go the wrong way for the rest of your life without noticing it. These “unwanted events” as personal indicators are therefore a very important instrument for achieving your personal goal.
However, most people are afraid of making “mistakes”.
This has to do with the fact that a child – who learns a great deal from mistakes – in our society is repeatedly taught that – if it makes mistakes – it is less good, is less loved, receives less recognition and is therefore disregarded.
In Central Europe, a child up to the age of 18 experiences an average of 150,000 negations and disparagements. And so “prepared” the person in our society is then released into independence. So, it is not surprising that the fear of so-called “mistakes” is so severe. And this is also one of the basic evils of our society…
…namely the inhibition of development. Both the individual and the general public – caused by this fear of mistakes.
Please try to imagine a situation… .
..where you would like to address a stranger.
Maybe you can even remember a situation where you were in a restaurant and would have liked to speak to a person. Or you thought “Would be nice if he spoke to me.”
And what happens in your head then?
• Eye to cerebellum: “People sighted – could be interesting!
• Right hand to cerebellum: “Shall I shake it?”
• Feet on cerebellum: “Idiot, first we have to go – should we go?”
• Cerebellum to all: “Wait. Must first call a meeting.”
Now appear – as in a company, when a decision is due – the various board directors.
• Board Director Curiosity, says: “YES!”
• Board Director Play Instinct says: “YES!”
• Board Director Joy says: “YES!”
• Board Director Ambition says: “No question.”
• Board Director Feeling: “YES clear. Getting to know people is always nice. Very good.”
So, everyone is for a “YES”. Our cerebellum wants to give the order to make contact. Suddenly a loud “NO!” sounds.
Who was that?
Director of the Board Fear.
And Board Director Fear is always louder than the other board directors. It’s twice as big and violent.
And what happens now?
• We say: “Well, then don’t.”
And that’s it again.
Does that sound familiar to you?
Exercise 19:
1. Write down again three things which you liked most about your work, your workplace.
2. And now a little mental exercise:
Please take ten minutes and make yourself comfortable. Breathe in calmly and deeply. Relax. Enjoy this state of calmness and relaxation for a while.
• Now please imagine a situation, … .
.. in which you have already been several times and in which you feel fear or at least strong stress. A situation in which you have to make a decision. However, you are afraid of this decision or at least puts you in stress. Unpleasant, because the consequences of this decision could possibly be unpleasant for you.
Observe on yourself:
o What feelings do you have?
o What do you feel?
o What exactly are you afraid of?
Try not to influence anything. Just observe.
- Now please imagine how you make your decision, and all consequences of this decision are extremely positive…
…all agree. You only reap approval and sympathy. You feel well. Your decision was exactly right. It could not have come better. You are happy that you have decided so. Everything is exactly as you would not wish for it better.
• Now please slowly come back from your relaxation, your ideas…
.. and make a conscious decision: What will you do next time in this situation?
Repeat this exercise several times in the near future. So often, until you clearly feel how you are gaining certainty. Until it is easy for you to make the right decision for you.
Recognition Unit 20:
Learning is strongly influenced by fear…
• Fear of leaving accustomed terrain
• Fear of rejection
• Fear of doing something wrong
• Fear of negative resonances
Don’t get me wrong, fear is good in principle. Fear is a good companion; fear is a protection from many things.
Because if you weren’t afraid at all, then it wouldn’t be ok either. We would be afraid of nothing without fear and that would not be healthy. So, fear is in principle okay. But fear is just as much a board director as all other feelings, emotions and experiences.
You are the chairman of the board, you listen to all your feelings, listen to your emotions, listen to your experiences and then YOU decide.
For many people, however, the CEO is permanently on vacation.
Should it be with you in such a way that…
• … the directors of the board are in charge
• … you let yourself be controlled by fear – or also by other feelings
• … not you decide on the basis of your experiences and considerations, but you automatically obey the commands of your fear or other feelings
… then please come back as chairman of the board of your personality!!!
Take your rightful place again and start to lead your own personality consciously and on your own responsibility. Always be aware of the big difference: If I am afraid, it is ok – but if the fear has me and dominates me, it is not ok.
The same is true for all feelings (just think about sudden anger or jealousy). Ask yourself in the future if you are afraid of something and therefore don’t do it:
“Am I afraid or am I seized by fear?”
Because they do not decide for themselves, but let themselves be controlled by their fear, there are many people – at least the majority – who hide it or deny it for fear of “mistakes”, instead of looking at it as a learning indicator. And worst of all, some people don’t even start doing things they would otherwise like to do, simply because they are afraid that they might make a mistake.
It is obvious that in this case there can be no further development and certainly no achievement of goals. These people are constantly dissatisfied and always try everything possible to improve their lives. But they will never be able to change anything as long as they have to pinch at every challenge because fear commands them to do so.
Check yourself honestly if everything is going the way you want it to.
And when you find that things don’t go the way you want them to, change it. Listen to other people too, accept criticism constructively, listen to your feelings, also to your fear.
Decide then however completely for yourself how you want to go.
Don’t let anyone else tell you what to do – and certainly not your fear.
Exercise 20:
1. Write down again three things which you liked most about your work, your workplace.
2. Start today to avoid the words “mistakes” and “wrong”.
Instead find your own and positive formulations.
It will be difficult for you in the beginning. But with time you will find that it is very easy (once you get used to it, it works automatically) and you will notice that discussions are more objective, you feel better yourself, people listen more to you, and much more.
Make an additional collecting box available for yourself – and now throw 1 Euro into the box for every time you say one of the words “mistake” or “wrong”. You will only empty it if you have not used either of the two words for 30 days. What you then do with all that money is of course up to you.
Note in the evening, how often you said today “mistake” and “wrong”. You will be surprised how many euro coins are in the box after 1 day.
Recognition Unit 21:
So, fear is the one obstacle to learning. On the other hand – and this is one of the biggest negative factors in the coexistence of our society – one individual tries again and again to distinguish himself at the expense of supposed mistakes of another individual.
I call this phenomenon the “error game”.
Let’s look at the basics of this “error game” in detail…
…humans have by nature two qualities that have always been useful to them.
One is the Minimax Principle – achieving the maximum with minimum effort. If we hadn’t, we wouldn’t be where we are today. It was only through this principle that we were able to develop so quickly.
And the second is the addiction to appreciation. For us, appreciation from other people is the most important need besides food and drink. Only because of this we do all the things that we do, because we want to be appreciated in the “herd”.
“Minimax Principle” and “addiction to appreciation ” were and are both good for evolution, because these two principles made it possible for us to live together and to develop.
But in terms of individual learning, these two qualities together create something very unpleasant and inhibiting:
A person wants appreciation – positive appreciation in the ideal case – he wants to be a bit above his Vis à Vis. Now he can achieve this in two ways…
1. He can either do more, work more, try harder. Then he will be better and get his appreciation.
But there is also the other possibility and that is now the devilish one…
2. He can push down the other, make the other bad. Then he is also a bit higher and gets supposedly recognition.
Do you know that? This search for negatives in other people. Looking for mistakes with another. Explaining others that…
• …it doesn’t work anyway
• …that he did something wrong again.
• …that maybe he should give it a little thought, etc.
THIS is the error game.
Constantly looking somewhere for something with others – out of an addiction for appreciation and because of the Minimax Principle – pushing the other person down. After all, this means less effort than trying to get the recognition yourself.
And this error game causes the following…
…that people are more and more afraid of doing things. Out of sheer fear they could do it wrong, someone could come and “push them down”.
For this reason, it is essential for you to consciously suspend your participation in this general “error game”. In the future, consciously absorb the information of others when you are told that you have made a mistake but decide for yourself whether it was an “unwanted event” on your personal path.
And above all: From now on, never again draw the attention of a person to a supposed mistake without being asked to do so. If it should be a situation in which it is clear that you can help, then simply help or offer your help. But never tell another person – if he doesn’t ask you for your opinion – that he made a mistake.
Exercise 21:
1. Write down again three things which you liked most about your work, your workplace.
2. Write down how often you said “mistakes” and “wrong” today (30 days without these words can be really long).
• How many coins are already in the money box?
3. Repeat the mental exercise from exercise 19 today.
Intermediate test 3:
I don’t need any new information to develop further.
Knowledge transfer to others is a benefit for me.
It is habits that “guide” us in most areas of our lives.
Strangers can see my mistakes better than I can.
An addiction to recognition leads to the error game.
Recognition Unit 22:
How can you implement the findings on learning in private life?
Here are a few examples:
• If you have children, please avoid rejections, negations and contempt.
Start by lowering the European average of 150,000 negations for your own children by the age of 18. Instead of “no” just say “yes, gladly. Only later” or “Yes, if …” or ask: “Do you think that would be all right?”
In the beginning you will look for the right words, because all the negative formulations and short “no’s” we are just (unfortunately) used to since our childhood. But after some practice you will notice that a positive formulation is not that difficult and makes many things much easier.
Your children will thank you for this rethinking. They will develop better because they are more positive, they will have more self-confidence and certainty. Thus, have a much more winning charisma. They will meet you with more affection, because with positive formulations you are automatically more “friend” than “commander”.
• Don’t tell your partner that he did something wrong.
Tell him that something is bothering you and why it is bothering you. And at the same time offer him a solution. You can also announce consequences to him without further ado (which, however, you then have to follow).
Make sure that you give him the feeling that he is free to decide whether he thinks what he is doing is right or not – and whether he wants to do it or not.
You will get along better with your partner in the long run. There will be fewer conflicts, and the partnership will be more harmonious.
• Never again make someone aware of a mistake without being asked.
Unless control of the activity is within your responsibility (as a parent, because of task sharing, etc.). But even then, never say “you have made a mistake”, but always “if you did it that way, it would be better for this and that reason”.
You will notice that people will speak to you more openly and that they will listen more to you.
• If someone tells you that you made a mistake, don’t stubbornly block and don’t discard this opinion immediately.
Thank him for his opinion and tell him that you will very well include it in your considerations.
Make it unmistakably clear that it is only you who decides whether a correction is actually needed – or not.
In the long run you will convey self-confidence and leadership strength and will be respected accordingly.
Exercise 22:
1. Write down again three things which you liked most about your work, your workplace.
2. Write down how often you said “mistakes” and “wrong” today (30 days without these words can be really long).
• How many coins are already in the money box?
3. Talk to your partner, friend or family member today about something you’d like to discuss for some time.
• A thing that disturbs you. Follow the instructions of today’s recognition page and observe yourself and the situation.
What did you find out?
Recognition Unit 23:
And how can you implement the findings from the subject of learning in your professional life?
Here are a few examples:
• Never tell an employee that he has made a mistake or that he has done something wrong.
Tell him that he has done something that you don’t think will lead to the common company direction. Also tell him why you believe this and ask him definitely for his opinion. Let the employee develop and present a proposed solution. Don’t tell him what to do.
Let him feel that he determines his own way.
He will thank you for it by feeling much more committed to the way he has created himself, by showing much more commitment and by seeing you not as a “slave driver” but as a “team partner”.
• If one of your colleagues or a superior accuses you of a mistake, don’t block it automatically.
Ask either for his suggested solution: “How do you think it could be done better, so that it is to the satisfaction of all of us?”
Or confirm that you see things the same way: “You’re right. Either way, it would be better for both of us, respectively all of us. So, from now on I will do it this way. Thanks for the hint.”
After some time, you will notice that you are more and more accepted as a team player and you will gain trust and respect.
• If you have employees in your company who have no movement in their development, then check out how self-confident these employees are and how they deal with each other.
Then check how widespread the error game is in the whole workforce.
EXCURSION:
Many years of company coaching have shown me: When I came to a company where there was a standstill, where there was dissatisfaction, where there was demotivation – then one of the big reasons for this was the disturbed communication and this in turn was mostly based on the already immensely widespread error game.
• Never tell a customer that he did something wrong.
Even if it is quite obvious. The rejection against this “error shown” is so strong in our subconscious that everyone vehemently resists it when they can. And we know how a customer can defend himself most efficiently – by no longer being a customer.
Always offer a customer several solution suggestions (this is very important, otherwise you narrow him down again, prescribe something to him again) and let him choose which one he wants to put into practice together with you.
In this way you will gain his confidence and keep him as a customer.
• And of course: Never – if it does not necessarily correspond to your area of responsibility – make someone aware of a “mistake” – in your opinion – without being asked.
The same applies here as in the private sphere.
Exercise 23:
1. Write down again three things which you liked most about your work, your workplace.
2. Write down how often you said “mistakes” and “wrong” today.
• Do you already know what you want to do with the money in the cash box, of course only if you have held out 30 days without?
3. Have a conversation today with a colleague, an employee and/or a customer. Pay attention to the contents of today’s findings and observe yourself and the situation.
What did you find out?
Recognition Unit 24:
Let us summarize the quintessence of the topic learning:
If people would stop constantly searching for mistakes in others, the fear of mistakes would no longer exist. This, in turn, would give people much more confidence in themselves! How much better would it be to live together and how much more would society develop?
Start with yourself…
• Get out of the error game and make sure that your environment also gets out of this error game!
If you consciously stay out of the “error game”, you will not only be able to use your personal indicators more consciously, but you will also notice how people in your environment suddenly discover an extremely pleasant conversation partner in you.
And therefore, they will approach you more openly.
• Do not let yourself be guided by any feelings when you make decisions, when you learn, when you develop.
Listen to your feelings, to your inner voice – this is very important. But don’t let them decide. Decisions about your personal path are made consciously and on your own responsibility.
As chairman of the board of your company “personality”.
• And if you are afraid on your personal way, then always ask yourself: “Am I afraid or am I seized by fear?”
If you give yourself an honest answer to this question in every situation, you will find that although you will correctly continue to listen to your fear, you will make more and more fearless decisions.
And I assure you: That is a good feeling!
• Control your personal path, record the unwanted events, think about suitable corrections in order to be able to walk the path better and – carry them out.
After some time, you will notice that you develop much faster and much more in the desired direction.
Exercise 24:
1. Write down again three things which you liked most about your work, your workplace.
2. Write down how often you said “mistakes” and “wrong” today.
3. Have you already made your decisions based on the 18th recognition unit and exercise?
Have you perhaps already acted and either you have already weaned the “error” or talked to the people in question that you would like them to accept this “mistake”?
What is the status quo? Make a note of what came out of it and how you feel now.
Recognition Unit 25:
What does learning mean for our body?
First and foremost, it means that it is important to get to know one’s own body. This is done by observing it and paying attention to what does you good and what doesn’t. It is important to recognize all the actions we perform, all the perceptions our body has and the processes associated with them.
It starts with observing my body how it feels when I rest.
Do you know the feeling of having slept too short? You certainly know how it feels in contrast to sleeping well.
Yes?
Do you also know the feeling of having slept too long so that you are “tired again”?
I could also determine the optimal resting time by simply observing my body. Unfortunately, most people do not know their optimal resting time. But it would be time to get to know the feeling when you know and adhere to the optimal resting time for your body.
You would gain a lot of quality of life.
The same applies to exercise.
• How much exercise does your body need?
• How intensive must this exercise be so that your body feels optimally well?
• When do you need the exercise?
• Do you need the exercise once a day?
• Do you need the exercise in the morning or in the evening?
• Or do you need it in small units several times a day?
If you give your body the appropriate exercise units – exactly as it needs them – you will be able to experience a completely new sense of well-being.
Don’t chatter here what is said “generally”. For example: ” Eight hours sleep is needed by humans ” or “Everybody should run for half an hour every day”. But think of the principle of responsibility. Take this responsibility for your body seriously and get to know it. Get to know it and start observing.
After all, it is your body that takes you through your life.
The same of course also applies to our nutrition.
If you have continuously read the latest findings of nutrition science in the last ten years, you have been able to clearly establish one thing: Non-stop come new “truths” that invalidate the old.
Wouldn’t it undoubtedly be a better way to take care of what your body needs, what does it good and what doesn’t? Especially where each body is unique. You also learn this through observation. Just observe exactly and over a longer period of time how you feel when you have eaten something specific.
Start by observing WHAT you are eating at all.
To deal with what you are doing and to pay attention to what you are feeling will in the long run mean that you will get to know your body. Of course, this does not happen overnight.
But you will feel a completely new quality of life if you feed yourself exclusively in such a way that you feel comfortable and give your body just as much rest and exactly as much exercise as it needs.
Exercise 25:
1. Write down again three things which you liked most about your work, your workplace.
2. Write down how often you said “mistakes” and “wrong” today.
3. Pay attention to how long you slept today, how much exercise you have today and what – and how much – you eat today.
• Observe your body exactly and write down your observations.
Recognition Unit 26:
Let’s look at some typical situations when we don’t learn to understand our body:
• Paul is always tired.
And this despite the fact that he has been trying lately – precisely because he is constantly so tired – to consciously go to sleep earlier. But it is like bewitched. In the evening he can’t fall asleep, lies awake for hours and in the morning, he feels like he’s wheeled and can’t get out of bed.
One day he thinks it can’t go on like this – and starts taking sleeping pills.
From this moment on it works better to fall asleep and he is actually more well rested in the morning. But now he often gets headaches and stomach problems. But because he absolutely does not listen to his body, he does not see any connection here. He simply gets something from the pharmacy for headaches.
And the stomach pain? My God, that is the stress.
• Renate has recently heard on television, on the radio and from her friends that you should definitely go jogging for at least half an hour a day.
She decides to get more information and buys a book about “jogging”. In it she reads what pulse she should be running at, when the best time is for it, with which equipment one should do this best and still some more. Eager and full of anticipation, Renate really starts jogging every day for half an hour to an hour.
But she doesn’t really enjoy it. Although she follows the exact instructions of the professionals from television, radio and her clever book, she is not – as described and told everywhere – fresh and lively and full of energy after jogging.
No, she always feels completely exhausted and finished. Hours later she is still totally done. And so, she decides after a relatively short time: “Jogging is not for me” and lets it stay.
• Hans constantly hears from his girlfriend how healthy and good it would be for the body if you only had a vegetarian diet.
After he has resisted for some time, it is so far. Hans admits defeat and decides together with his partner that from now on only vegetarian food will be eaten. In the beginning Hans is sure that this is very healthy for him and that this kind of nutrition will do him good.
But with time Hans feels more and more tired. He has more desire for nothing. When his appetite for meat and sausage overcomes him, he forces himself to stand firm. As a rule, he also succeeds. But he notices for himself how he becomes more and more aggressive and unbalanced. His girlfriend no longer understands the world when Hans says one day that vegetarian food is not for him and that he will now eat as he used to.
We could fill many more pages with such examples. But for sure you have already understood what is at stake in all these cases…
…who doesn’t take the effort to learn to understand his body will never really be able to support him.
Exercise 26:
1. Write down again three things which you liked most about your work, your workplace.
2. Pay attention to how long you slept today, how much exercise you have today and what – and how much – you eat today.
• Observe your body exactly and write down your observations.
3. Repeat the mental exercise from unit 19.
Recognition Unit 27:
If we learn to handle our body properly, it has a lot of advantages:
• The biorhythm.
If you observe your biorhythm, meaning to record exactly at which times of the day you feel particularly fresh and at which times you become slightly tired, you are already a big step ahead.
Because with this knowledge, everyone can, for example, plan the optimal times for sleeping and waking up. As a rule, they will no longer have any problems falling asleep or tiredness if they keep to these times.
Those who know their biorhythm are able to put their important appointments into the high phases and their relaxation times into the low phases. His performance, no matter in which area, will be much better.
And nobody needs a computer program or an expert to determine their personal rhythm. Just observe yourself for a while and note when you feel fit and when you feel tired.
• Exercise.
If you decide to exercise regularly in the fresh air to supply your body with oxygen, to strengthen your circulation, to keep you fit, etc. then you don’t choose something that is “in” at the moment, but simply something that you enjoy. Something you really enjoy.
And above all, make sure that you choose the intensity that you feel comfortable with. Move your body as much and as intensively as it needs. No more, no stronger and no faster.
Listen to your body and learn to understand the signals. And suddenly you will feel more and more comfortable without much effort.
• Mindfulness in eating behaviour.
If someone pays attention to what he eats while eating and above all how his body reacts to it, this will lead him all by itself to a healthy and beneficial diet.
It is not only important to pay attention to body signals when eating. But especially in the three hours after eating. Because in this time the stomach digests and in this time, it passes on also the appropriate signals to the entire body.
If you are used to paying attention to your body and its signals over time, it will always let you know in time when an illness starts. Then you should also listen to him immediately. You will simply be less ill if, for example, you can react in the early stages of a cold.
• Relaxation.
Just as you consciously give your body tensions to keep it fit, you should also know when your body needs a relaxation phase.
If you know its signals, you know when it is time to give yourself and your organism a break.
In this way, you will be much more efficient than someone who rushes forward for a while without consideration and then either decreases his performance because he is exhausted – or even collapses.
Learn to pay attention to the body and its signals. It pays off. But only if you pay attention to them.
Exercise 27:
1. Write down again three things which you liked most about your work, your workplace.
2. Note, how often you said “mistakes” and “wrong” today
3. Pay attention to how long you slept today, how much exercise you have today and what – and how much – you eat today.
• Observe your body exactly and write down your observations.
4. In which area could you practice more mindfulness:
• Biorhythm
• Motion
• Eating behaviour
• Relaxation
Recognition Unit 28:
What does learning mean for our inner harmony?
Learning means acquiring more behavioural patterns step by step, thereby learning to solve problems better and better and at the same time gaining more and more horizons.
Someone who does not learn, his horizon becomes narrower and narrower, someone who learns, his horizon becomes wider and wider. In addition, someone who is constantly learning more and more problem-solving mechanisms and life mechanisms.
Someone who is constantly learning, his life is getting richer and richer.
This could be compared to a garden. If you plant more and more flowers and plants, the garden becomes richer and richer. If you have only one grass level – meaning, if you use only school knowledge throughout your life – the garden will remain just that grass level, without colourful flowers.
Learning also means developing one’s own personality more and more.
We notice again and again in the professional field that people only develop a very small part of possibilities. We know from brain research that we only train and use 25% of our brain.
Probably the same is true for personality.
As a rule, we develop only a very small part of our possibilities, our qualities, our abilities. Most people remain rigid for the rest of their lives with the knowledge they have once learned. They stubbornly refuse to make new experiences, to allow new insights – to learn new things – and wonder about the ever-increasing desolation of their lives.
The basic prerequisite to develop further and to be balanced and harmonious is to get to know and master opposite poles.
Because we live in a bipolar world. Wherever …
• … there’s black, there’s got to be white.
• …. where there is light, there is also darkness.
• … where there is relaxation, there is also tension.
• … where it is pleasant, it is also unpleasant.
• … etc.
And to be balanced it is necessary to always understand both sides, to master both sides.
This is the basis for harmonious learning, for harmonious personality development.
EXCURSION:
I notice it during coaching again and again… only when one is made aware of the opposite pole qualities and develops them, balance is possible. People who develop above all opposite characteristics in themselves, like for example discipline and creativity, work harmoniously, balanced and round. People who develop only one pole, meaning to constantly learn only in one direction, appear one-sided and sometimes very rigid.
The vernacular knows the saying of the “expert idiot”. It is rare that such a person is satisfied with his life.
Try it rather with the view into the far world, try to understand opposite things – and you will be a balanced, harmonious human with positive radiant emittance.
- Exercise 28:
1. Write down again three things which you liked most about your work, your workplace.
2. Write down how often you said “mistakes” and “wrong” today.
3. Pay attention to how long you slept today, how much exercise you have today and what – and how much – you eat today.
• Observe your body exactly and note your observations.
4. Is there something in your life that you always wanted to try out?
• Be honest with yourself and write down exactly what this is.
• Why haven’t you done this yet?
Compare if you can find this point in exercise 16 and complete the list if necessary.
• Write the list on a piece of paper and hang it somewhere where you can see it every day.
Intermediate test 4:
Employees learn faster if they are made aware of their mistakes.
I alone decide whether I have made a mistake or not.
There is no point in listening to my body’s signals.
It is the habit that guides us and makes us the personality we are.
It is best to get out of the error game and help my environment to do the same.
GET OUT OF THE COMFORT ZONE
Part 1, “Trapped in the comfort zone.”
A little journey through time
Have you ever imagined what it would be like if you could – say 10 years – go back in time? What would be different if you could undo one or the other action and leave some words unsaid? Or if you were to do something you didn’t dare to do some time ago? Then how about today?
The answer to this question is relatively simple, even if it may be slightly provocative: everything would be the same, everything exactly as it is today.
Sure, in this way you could clear up some situations that were negative at the time. But in their place, there would be other situations that would be negative. Most likely you would also avoid contact with some people who have disappointed you. Instead, however, you would be likely to be in contact with other people who disappoint you. Some businesses where you have suffered financial losses may no longer be available to you. In return, you would do other business that would cause you financial losses. Of course, you would no longer make many mistakes. But you would make other mistakes. And 10 years later – today – you would be just as satisfied or dissatisfied and as successful or unsuccessful as you are today.
You could travel back in time as often as you want. As long as you only made selective changes, they would always be replaced by other events, which in total would always put you in the same situation as you are today. Because the decisive factor is your personality. As long as your personality remains the same, the result of your life will always remain the same.
You surely know the example of the person who always has new relationships, all new partners have the same personality structure, and this person wonders why all his relationships break apart again and again. As an outsider, you ask yourself: “When will this person finally learn?
But it’s exactly the same with us: time and again we face the same challenges in our lives and always try to solve them selectively. That is the reason why our life will stay as it is. And it will stay that way as long as we don’t change something at the basis of our life: On our personality!
Not our friends, not our life partner, not our parents, the school, the government, the market, society or anything else is responsible for whether you are well or not. Your own personality is crucial to how your life goes. Perhaps not the most pleasant realization. But the truth that makes it possible for you to control your own life.
Please take a moment to think about the following formula: What you are today and how you are today – is the result of your previous personality!
So, if you would like to be (even) more satisfied privately in any area than you are today, you would like to be (even) more successful professionally and financially than you are today – the only way to achieve this is by further developing your own personality.
But on the way there, a relatively big challenge awaits you.
The comfort zone
All you know and can do is your comfort zone. It is divided into four areas: geographical, spiritual, activity-based and personal.
So, if you are at home in your living room, you are geographically within your comfort zone. If you are in a room where you have never been before, you are geographically outside your comfort zone. In the circle of your friends, you are personally inside, among strangers you are personally outside of your comfort zone. Do something what you have always done, this is activity related inside, an entirely new activity just activity related outside your comfort zone. And spiritually exactly the same: deal intellectually with something familiar, you are spiritually just inside your comfort zone, think as you have never thought, you are spiritually outside your comfort zone.
Now the decisive question: “Where do you prefer to be? Inside or outside the comfort zone?”
You probably belong to the 95% of people who say: “I feel more comfortable within the comfort zone”. And this is also absolutely okay. (If you belong to the other 5%, you have a significant starting advantage. But of that later.)
Why is it that most people feel more comfortable within the comfort zone? The explanation is as simple as it is frightening it is a basic instinct that has not been justified for a long time and yet still determines our lives.
In ancient times man could only survive as a “herd animal”. He could never have overcome the dangers lurking everywhere as a loner and our species would have long since disappeared from this planet. And so that humans also remain well-behaved in the herd, “Mother Nature” has implanted in him the corresponding herd instinct: “Eat only what you know”. (You already notice how this instinct still works today?) “Stay only where you know your way around.” “Just do what you can.” “Think the way you always thought and think the way everyone thinks.” And of course: “Accept only creatures in your environment that are like you.” In summary: “Never leave your comfort zone, because you are safe there. Outside there is danger”. At that time this instinct helped us to survive. Today it blocks our development.
Because this basic instinct is one of the main reasons why people do not want change. Why it is so difficult for us to leave our comfort zone. And if we do try it, we move a step out, register mostly that it does not run in such a way, as we imagined it – and pull ourselves back immediately again into our comfort zone. It is completely logical that the desired result cannot be achieved right away, because we don’t know and can’t take this new step, we just have to learn it. But we don’t think about that. We wall ourselves in our comfort zone and say: “I have tried it. It’s nothing for me.”
Therefore, it comes that most people – after the development time as a child and young person is over – stay in their comfort zone all their life and have the pious wish: “Everything should remain as it is – only better it should become”.
Through this behavior, however, we deprive ourselves of an extraordinary opportunity. For humans could shape their life much more themselves than is generally assumed. But we must be prepared to consciously control and develop our own personality.
The difficulty is that any personality development is only possible outside the comfort zone! Within the comfort zone you already know and can do everything. Within the comfort zone no development is possible.
So, if you are willing to accept that your personality is the decisive factor for your private satisfaction and your professional success, and if you want to be (even) more satisfied and/or (even) more successful in your private and/or professional life, then you have to get out of your comfort zone.
Think as you have never thought before. Do what you have never done before. Approach people as you have never approached people before. Get to know places you have never been interested in before. Just get out of your comfort zone!
Part 2 “Get out of the comfort zone, but how?”
Not all at once
If you make the decision to develop yourself further and are already willing to leave your comfort zone to do so, then that is a good thing. But in order for you to really succeed and not make it unnecessarily difficult for yourself, there are a few rules to follow.
First of all, we’ll look at the four categories of the comfort zone: geographical, mental, job related, personal. Surely you can understand now that it costs more overcoming and brings smaller chances of success with itself, if you go out of your comfort zone in all four areas at the same time.
If, for example, you give a lecture on something you have never done before (activity based), on a topic that you have never dealt with before (spiritual), in front of strangers (personnel) in a place where you have never been before (geographical), the result of such an “act of violence” will be correspondingly modest because you would not find “security” anywhere. Nothing is familiar. In such an example you would be outside your comfort zone in all four areas at the same time. (Unfortunately, there are still too many rhetoric trainers who do this.)
You will find it easiest to get out of your comfort zone and the best result will most likely be if you only go out of your comfort zone in one area. For example, in the activity by giving a lecture. If you are familiar with the topic (mentally), if you know the people and you know that they are positive towards you (personally) as well as the place you know and feel comfortable there (geographically), the development result will certainly be much higher than if you want to leave all four areas of the comfort zone at once.
This principle must now be applied in all situations. Make sure that you leave your comfort zone in as few areas as possible at the same time. Never leave all areas at once. At least one area should always remain familiar.
So, make sure that at least either the activity or the people or the content or the location and in the best case even two or three things of it are known to you, familiar and positively occupied in your state of mind. Create the necessary support and the reassuring security to be able to really trust yourself completely out of the comfort zone in those areas in which you want to develop.
Because even if it is absolutely necessary to leave the comfort zone, because only outside a development is possible, this leaving of the comfort zone should be well dosed. This is the only way to ensure efficient and rapid development.
The path of small steps
This necessary dosage must also be observed for the “size” of the development steps. Too big steps are unfortunately often propagated (for example at many “motivational events”), but as a rule they prove to be counterproductive.
Just imagine that there is a rubber wall around your comfort zone at a distance of, say, one meter. Now jump out of your comfort zone, bounce against this rubber wall and it will throw you mercilessly back. Then of course you land pretty rough and then you stand up crumpled and say: “I tried it. That’s not for me.”
This “jumping out” of the comfort zone happens far too often. And unfortunately, it is also initiated far too often by trainers and managers. You are highly motivated, enthusiastic, have a firm desire to change something, to develop further, jump out of your comfort zone full of motivation and verve (so try to do everything differently from one day to the next), crash against the rubber wall (you experience all logical resistance and negative experiences collected in the shortest time), it throws you back (it doesn’t work at all the way you were presented with it and you imagined it) and then your motivation usually turns into frustration and resignation (“I actually knew it wouldn’t work for me anyway. There’s nothing you can do. Is just nothing for me.”). Does it look familiar to you? Well, most people feel the same way. Almost nobody pays attention to the “rubber wall”.
While doing so, it would be as simple as it would be logical: Take small steps out of the comfort zone. When you leave your comfort zone, you are doing something you have never done before. Accordingly, the result at the beginning won’t be exactly thrilling. Can’t be, because you’re doing something you can’t do and don’t know.
Therefore, it is important to first take a small step out of the comfort zone and make this new activity, this new way of thinking, etc. a habit. Because if the new has become a habit for you, you know it and you can do it. It then belongs to your comfort zone. And then take the next small step out of your comfort zone, which has already grown in size.
Let’s assume, for example, that you would find it difficult to approach strangers openly. Then it would probably be fatal if you were now highly motivated to start talking to strangers on the street and try to involve them in a conversation or even try to convince them of something and inspire them. Your ego would suffer painful defeats, have to accept embarrassing rejections and most people would resign after a short time and withdraw into your comfort zone again, meaning to stop approaching strangers again. “I just can’t!”
The procedure that is much more promising is the tactic of small steps. If we want to stick to the above example and we assume that you want to learn to approach strangers more openly, then the following way is recommended, for example: Start by simply smiling at strangers whenever you meet them (on the street, in the bus, in the subway, in the elevator, in the office, in shops, etc.). Without wanting anything. Without saying anything. Just to smile.
Believe me, this is enough to make you feel insecure. You will notice very clearly at the beginning how you are outside your comfort zone. But with time you will suddenly notice that people are starting to smile back! Also, without saying anything. Without wanting anything. Just like that. They suddenly radiate positive energy, kindness, niceness. And this is reciprocated by the other people. Not of everyone. But from more and more.
One day you’ll get used to just smiling at people. This smile and friendliness towards other people are now part of your comfort zone. You know it and you can do it. The first step has been taken. Your comfort zone has increased.
Now it is time for the second step. Greet strangers whenever and wherever you meet them. (Of course, in a single situation, so not all passengers in the bus or all waiting at the traffic lights but people you meet individually or in small groups.) The development will be exactly the same as the first step. Someday you’ll greet strangers and they’ll come back smiling. Without wanting anything. Without intention. Simply out of friendliness and because of your positive charisma. And again, your comfort zone has become a good deal bigger.
The next step would now be to involve those people who smile at you and smile back, who greet you and who greet your back, in a conversation. And also, here you will notice the same development process as in the two previous steps. At some point you will know it and be able to perform it. And then it is part of your comfort zone that you can openly approach strangers. Accomplished!
This concept of small steps must always be adhered to when you develop, when you want to leave your comfort zone. Development simply takes time. Grass doesn’t grow any faster if you pull on it. Don’t jump out of your comfort zone anymore and don’t let yourself be “thrown out” by enthusiastic motivators and over-motivated executives. Walk the path of small steps.
Consequence
If you now make sure that you do not leave your comfort zone in all four areas at the same time but always leave at least one familiar “safety zone” and if you avoid over-motivated jumping out of the comfort zone and going the way of small steps – then you are missing only one thing: The consequence.
In order to develop and increase your own comfort zone, it is absolutely necessary to observe an unavoidable law: If you have made a step out of your comfort zone, never go back to your comfort zone in this area again!
No matter what happens, no matter how uncomfortable a situation is for you. Stay in the area where you want to develop, out of the comfort zone. And no matter how hard it is.
In the long run, a return would cost you a lot more energy than staying the course. In the short term, if you were to return to the comfort zone, you would be rid of your fears, insecurities and unpleasant situations. But you would always know: “I was too weak, too lazy, too cowardly, etc.”. And this knowledge would cost you much more energy. Above all, it would always burden you if you wanted to leave the comfort zone again.
Any future development will be influenced by previous developments. Either positively, if you can imagine: “I did that back then, so I can do it now.” Or even negative, if you have to think to yourself: “I didn’t make it back then, who knows if it will work now”.
Therefore, the iron principle applies: If you have decided to develop further in any area and you leave your comfort zone for this purpose – then you consistently stay outside. No matter what happens. Until you know it and can do it!
In this way you will grow your personality continuously and in the right dosage. Without great fears and defeats. Without bad disappointments. Without frustration and resignation. Step by step. And your comfort zone becomes bigger and bigger. And you automatically become more and more successful and satisfied!
Part 3 “Leading others out of the comfort zone”.
Pull instead of pressure
If you want to lead other people out of their comfort zones, first of all remember that these people do not want to stay in their comfort zones because they are cowardly, stupid or lazy. People simply follow their basic instincts, which are simply still completely intact. Seen this way, those people who do not want to leave their comfort zones are simply psychologically “normal”. This view enables a more understanding approach, the guidance will be easier for you and the person to be guided will thank you for it.
Of course, the task “Leading others out of their comfort zone” requires the same attention as if you wanted to leave the comfort zone yourself. However, there are some additional points which will make the task easier for you.
One of them is that you should let the person you want to lead out of the comfort zone (called “client” in the following text for the sake of simplicity) act out of self-motivation. Show your client several benefits he could achieve by moving out of the comfort zone. It is best to list a material reason, an achievement of recognition, an attainment of complacency and a creation of harmony in the closest environment. Then let the client select the most valuable reason for him, strengthen this motivation and make it clear to him that why and in which area he has to leave the comfort zone in order to achieve his desired goal.
Encourage him in his decision and assure him of your professional assistance, which you can give him by means of these instructions. Should you be dealing with a client who is fundamentally opposed to personality development – for whatever reason – do not present him with the principle and system of the comfort zone, but lead him out of his comfort zone without naming or explaining it that way. Too much information often only prevents one action and achieves exactly the opposite of what is desired. The only important thing is that your client leaves the comfort zone in the area that is important for his development.
Giving certainty
Always leave your client in at least one area in a familiar zone and strengthen the relation to exactly this familiar zone in him.
If, for example, it is a matter of carrying out a new activity, make sure that the client is as familiar as possible to the location where the action first takes place and that the people present are familiar with him and are regarded positively by him. As far as it is permissible for the new activity, consciously direct the client’s attention and concentration to the familiar areas.
This will give him the certainty he needs to venture out of the comfort zone and feel comfortable in the area that is important for his development.
Braking and checking
Make sure that your client only takes small steps out of the comfort zone. As tempting as it may sound to you when your client believes he can make big jumps – slow him down rather than motivate him.
In the beginning, your client is highly motivated (if he has consciously decided to leave the comfort zone. If you lead him out without his explicit knowledge, you will not be able to cope with this task.) and he will try to take big steps in development as quickly as possible.
It is precisely this behaviour, however, that most jeopardizes success. The probability of having to experience too many disappointments increases in relation to the size of the steps out of the comfort zone. Accordingly, the frustration would grow and from initial enthusiasm soon becomes resignation. You would then have “burned up” your client.
Therefore, it is of immense importance that you let your client make only a small step out of his comfort zone and only if this new area is known and mastered by him, ask him to do the next step further out of the comfort zone.
Do not motivate too much. Your client only needs as much motivation as he requires to take the desired first small step. It is your responsibility as a leader to slow down and proceed in a controlled manner.
Ensuring consistency
Now you have made your client walk out of the comfort zone, have made sure that he stays in at least one security zone in his comfort zone and are also making sure that he takes small steps out of the comfort zone. So far, so good.
Now the decisive factor is whether the desired development is achieved, the question of consistency. Only if your client remains consistently outside his comfort zone the intended development can be achieved.
Therefore, make it impossible for your client to return to his comfort zone in the relevant area by all means. Choose from a wide range of options (creating various types of fear of loss, damage to your image or material damage if you retreat to the comfort zone) those that you believe will most likely motivate your client to stay out of the comfort zone.
Force or motivate (depending on his personality structure) your client to stay outside the comfort zone. Especially in the phases of temporary doubts that occur in almost every person during a development, your client will sometimes need either gentle pressure or strong motivation to persevere. At the latest when the development has been completed, when the new area belongs to his increased comfort zone, your client will thank you in any case.
Feedback & Confirmation
Also remember to give your client continuous feedback as to whether he is currently outside or inside his comfort zone. What may sound incomprehensible to outsiders is quite normal for those who develop: They often don’t even notice when they retreat back to their comfort zone and fall into old habits.
That’s why ongoing feedback – according to the motto: “Where are you right now? Outside or inside?” – very important. It’s best to pack this feedback into a game. For example, every time the client falls back into the old habit, a small amount of money is due, which you then use for a small reward after reaching the goal.
From development to development, your client’s confidence is strengthened when leaving the comfort zone was crowned with success. Therefore, it is important, especially at the beginning, to take very small steps out of the comfort zone and to permanently confirm and, in the best case, also clearly document the successes that occur in order to let your client experience success and to build up his trust in your leadership.
If you continuously give your client feedback and confirm his successes, a lasting development partnership can develop, from which you can certainly benefit in the long term at least as much as your client. And not only from direct profits, such as better cooperation, higher performance, more success and many other things. There is still a much higher indirect advantage for you if you help others to get out of their comfort zone and develop in their personalities: Nothing teaches you more than teaching!
Part 4 ” Here we go!”
Exercise “Get out of the comfort zone” (both for own and external development)
A simple, easy exercise that takes you or your client one small step out of the comfort zone in just one area and yet can have an immense impact on your personality development and life: Smile at anyone, anywhere, anytime! (Of course, there are very rare exceptions where a smile is not appropriate, but you don’t have to think about it in advance – you’ll notice that if it is the case.)
At the beginning you will notice that it is unusual for and you will feel insecure at first. Your smile will often seem cramped and artificial at first. But stay out of the comfort zone! One day your smile will have become a habit. You will take it for granted, you will no longer even notice that you are smiling. You will simply notice that many people will smile back.
For the initial support to make it consistently out of the comfort zone to remain outside, make yourself or your client the following aid: Take a sheet of paper from the size A4. Put it in front of you and write the word “smile” in capital letters on the paper (you can also paint a smiley or use any other pleasant synonym).
Then fold the sheet into a ball (do not fold it nicely – crumple it together!). Now insert this ball so that you can feel it on your body. So trouser pocket, breast pocket, blouse, shoes, wherever… handbag, jacket pocket, etc. do not apply. You must feel the ball with every movement. Then it will remind you to smile every time you move! This will make it easier for you to consistently stay out of your comfort zone and go through life with a smile on your face.
Even if you want to radiate authority, strength, power, security, etc. – it works and always has a better effect with a smile. And if you already belong to the few people for whom the smile and the positive and pleasant charisma associated with it are already part of their comfort zone, then go one step further. Find the next step out of your comfort zone for yourself in order to approach people even better and more sympathetically. Because approaching people and being able to deal with them is one of the main keys to private satisfaction and professional success!
A small step out of the comfort zone that can move a lot in a person’s life!
Recognition Unit 29:
Let us look at typical examples when the subject of learning is not properly addressed:
• A university graduate completed with honours.
He also receives a well-endowed job. He is eager to get to work from early on until late at night and is also constantly deepening his knowledge in his special field in his free time. He is getting better and better in his special field. He soon enjoys an excellent reputation as a specialist. However, he does not have a career in his company.
He constantly sees colleagues – who have not mastered their specialist field as well as he has for a long time – passing by on the ladder of success.
He hardly has any friends.
Not even a family.
And at some point, he wonders whether he hasn’t missed something in life?
If you carry out a single profession for the rest of your life, you become incredibly single-minded in your thinking, in your acting, in your feeling.
You no longer have a wide range of variations, and you petrify somewhere; you petrify in automatism. And in fact, it is usually very late – if at all – that you realize that life has passed you by.
• It is exactly the same in the field of relationships. Who doesn’t learn here, who doesn’t face the abrasion mechanism here, desolates his partnership.
Again, and again, couples who have gone through such a process of desertification are typical of this in marriage counselling. The man was only “outside” and the woman only in the house, they had no similarities, no abrading processes, no common and mutual learning processes over a longer period of time. And that makes the whole thing boring.
It is like a stone desert, where nothing grows anymore.
The explanation for these examples is very simple…
… in daily practice I am guided on the one hand by my professional life and on the other by my private life. So, I have a very strong external control. And if I don’t realize that I have to break through it, I become single-minded over time.
Single-mindedness, however, creates automatism.
And wherever something happens automatically, there are no new discoveries, no new insights, no learning – no personality development.
A person, however, who does not develop his personality further, who does not discover and get to know life in all its fullness…
… such a person is indeed like a good machine – but he passes life by.
And balance, inner harmony, positive charisma cannot be felt in such a person.
Exercise 29:
1. Take one last note today of three things that you liked most about your work, your workplace and take stock of what has changed noticeably with this exercise.
2. Open the money box today. How many coins are already included? Do you remember what you will do with it?
3. Can you already understand habits regarding…
• … your sleep and rest phases
• … your daily exercise
• … your eating habits
• … your relaxation
… deduce?
Have you already gained knowledge about how you can proceed more optimally in the 4 areas? Start today to integrate at least 1 recognition into your everyday life and to take measures to maintain it.
• What things did you write down in exercise 28 that you always wanted to try out?
Write these things down again and think about whether you feel the same way as in the two examples on page 29. Expand the list if you can think of something.
Recognition Unit 30:
Let us look today at some examples of how one can strengthen one’s inner harmony through learning:
It is truly amazing how people of all ages, through learning, through perceiving new dimensions and through the adventure of entering them, experience a change they have not dreamed of.
Every change is an enrichment.
Especially in today’s world, where we live in a more consumer- and externally controlled society, where we like to be controlled, this self-control leads to the fact that humans really blossoms.
It is important that I allow myself to be controlled from the outside again and again so that I do not fall asleep.
Just doing something yourself has the disadvantage of easy “forgetting”. We are all sloppy and lazy. That is our nature. But if we let ourselves be controlled from time to time or get some input from outside from time to time, the motivation remains, and we do not “forget” so easily.
So, once a year “change of scenery”, go somewhere on a cure, go to a seminar, take advantage of a life coaching, get out of everyday life and look at your own life from the outside again and register anew, which possibilities are all open to you.
Anyone who is constantly learning, permanently widens its horizon, receives his childlike curiosity and has completely all by itself more fun in life. Especially when you get older, this is very important, because then you often have the feeling that the possibilities are diminishing. But that’s absolutely not true! They are increasing – only it is a question of the right perspective.
In your professional life you should not only accept all possible further education offers, but even actively look for them.
The fact is that today not only professional competence is in demand, but above all social competence. And only if you continuously develop this social competence through constant learning, you will gain acceptance from your colleagues and superiors as well as career opportunities in the long run.
When we learn, we make mistakes.
Being afraid of mistakes often means not wanting to learn anymore. Do you remember your exit from the “error game”?
Have the courage to make mistakes and enjoy learning from your “mistakes”.
All these points contribute to the fact that you like to learn and thus increase your charisma, your certainty, your inner harmony in all areas of life substantially.
You will achieve more and feel more comfortable.
Exercise 30:
1. Note how many times you said “mistake” and “wrong” today.
• How many coins are already in the money box?
2. Have you already tackled the list from exercises 16 or 28 and 29?
If so, then congratulations!
If not, decide for yourself what you want to implement. And arrange fixed dates.
Until when do I tackle which things?
Cordial congratulations…
You’ve worked through the LAW OF LEARNING completely. Congratulations !!!
and you’ll be redirected to the next law.
Best wishes for continued success!
By touching your mouse on the following button, you will reach the next exercise “No. 03 – The Law of Will –“